I haven't written a blog for a few days as I needed to take some time away from the laptop and just get my head together and find my happy place again.
Seven days, 168 hours, 10,080 minutes, 604,800 seconds, however you want to think of it, this is the time that has past since Amy Winehouse died on Saturday 23rd July in her home in Camden, North London. It has been an emotional week and sometimes it's hard to hear others that have said over the past week that it was her own fault. We, the public still don't know how she died and for me, it's irrelevant. Amy's family have lost a daughter, sister, niece and this is what matters. She was someones daughter who was taken at the young age of 27, yes she had addictions and maybe more could of been done for Amy but nothing is ever that simple.
Addiction isn't something that you wake up one morning and think I'll stop, it's a disease and one that takes alot to fight against and sometimes in the end the addiction wins but through everything that happens to the addict they leave behind a family who is heartbroken.
Last Saturday I was sat in my bedroom, in tears at all the sad, heartbreaking news from around the globe which had hit our TV screens within 24 hours, the biggest news stories was Norway bombing and Amy Winehouse. I lit candles to remember those who had lost their lives and also for the families that remain but until today I hadn't been able to listen to Amy's music. I have now managed to listen to four songs, so I'm slowly getting there, but it's amazing how much someone that you have never met can influence your life.
Life goes on rightly or wrongly but it has given my life a little shake....
Until next time,
SC xo
Saturday 30 July 2011
Saturday 23 July 2011
Back To Black
I have been sitting thinking for the past hour, with no TV, radio or music playing, just staring at the black TV screen trying desperately to digest todays events.
Today started like any normal Saturday, well with the exception of some sun so with this in mind, I thought today would be a good day, get out in the garden and get my tan topped up. This is what I did at my folks house then came back into my flat at 5pm to have some food and while this was cooking away I had a quick look on Twitter to see some worrying news. There was a lot of tweets from celebs I follow on my feed waiting for confirmation of a tragic story that seemed to be unfolding in front of me. I switched on the TV to the BBC news channel to see if what was being said on Twitter was true or if this was some kind of sick joke but there it was in black and white, Amy Winehouse has died at the age of 27.
Amy, like all of us, had her own personal issues, the only difference is Amy had her personal life brought into the public eye by the British media. It's well known that Amy had a drink and drugs problem which she tried so desperately to overcome and checked into rehab many times to beat the addiction but sadly it wasn't ever going to be an easy journey for Amy. She was such a talented artist who broke the mould in pop music and before the drugs found her she seemed to have it all sorted. Sadly, one of Amys last live performances was far from her best and right now our freshest memory of Amy, but I hope that in the coming days these memories will be washed away as we remember the lady that brought us the wonderful 'Back To Black' album and won 5 grammy awards!
The story underneath called 'The Mayonnaise Jar' has reminded me time and time again about the important things in life and today seemed like the right time to include it in one of my blogs.
The Mayonnaise Jar
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle. When 24 Hours in a day is not enough.Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.
He then asked the students, if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full.
They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full.
The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand.
The students laughed.
'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - family, children, health, passions.
Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.
The sand is everything else --the small stuff.
'If you put the sand into the jar first,' He continued, there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner. There will always be time to clean the house and fix that dripping tap.'Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled.
'I'm glad you asked'.
It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.
Let's pray for Amy Winehouse, her family and friends as we lay our heads down tonight.
Rest In Peace Amy,
Until next time,
SC xo
Friday 22 July 2011
Nowhere Left To Run
Today I got a message on Twitter from one of my followers telling me that as of 2pm she would be off school for the summer and this got me thinking about my days back in school.
I wasn't one of the 'in crowd' at school, far from it. I had my little circle of friends that i would have my lunch break with when I was in primary school who I had gone to nursery with and at the age of 5 think your going to be friends forever and ever...you soon realise this isn't always going to be the case.
I was very athletic at school. I was very much a 'tom boy' and I loved playing football the the boys and running around like a mad thing. When I got to the age of 7 I spent most of my lunch breaks doing sprint running on the playing fields and most nights after school I was allowed to stay and use the gym hall to practise my netball shooting skills. I was then noticed by the gym teacher that visited once a week and was told to stick at the running if this is what I enjoyed doing as I had a talent, and more importantly I was fast!
I became captain of the girls netball team and we went to competition after competition against other schools and for some it was a tuesday and thursday afternoon away from school but for me, it was all about the winning, and even at this age (I had only just turned 7 remember) I knew as the captain of the team it was up to me to make sure we all pulled together to win, to make all the training worth it but more importantly, to make our trainer and our parents that came to game after game proud of us. Like everything in life, we didn't win every match, we took our knock backs just like the rest of them but we won more than our fair share of tournaments.
When I got to the grand old age of 10 I was school champion for sports and won every race on sports day too (there was older kids competing against me so I was proud to win) and then I also won the following year aswell. This is when I knew I wanted to be involved in sports and had decided at the age of 10 that I was going to become an athlete in running.
I got to secondary school and was already known by the PE teachers there (it's amazing what information is passed on when leaving one school to go to another) and a lot of time and effort was put into me and my skills. I trained ALOT. Most lunch times I went up to the playing fields and did lap after lap around the running track in my trainers that let in water if it was raining. My parents weren't well off but they tried to provide as best they could for me and my older brother.
I was then asked my my PE teacher to compete in a cross country running event at a private school. I was very honoured to be given this opportunity to see how fast I really was against some pupils from other schools, I was delighted. The big day came, I was very nervous. My PE teacher came with me along with my brother and parents. I was just an ordinary kid amongst some of the most wealthy parents and their children in my region, very daunting but apart of me wanted to win this race so badly to show that someone from a working class background with not much money still has raw talent-this is when the hunger shows :)
Unfortunately I didn't win the race, but I picked up silver so out of over two hundred people, I didn't do too badly :)
My training continued and became more intense, no one put this pressure on me, no one asked me to train any harder it was all down to me. One lunch time I was up at the playing fields with my battered trainers leaking when I spotted out of the corner of my eye, my PE teacher. she was holding a box. She walked over to me and said, 'Susan, I think your going to need these' I opened the box and inside was a gleaming brand new pair of adidas running spikes. I was over the moon, my feet would be dry at long last and these were the bees knees :)
The competitions became more frequent and so did the medals. I travelled alot to different competitions, I met Jonathan Edwards-the triple jumper which was an amazing experience to meet someone as famous as he was at the height of his career.
This dream of running and being an athlete wasn't to last though, I got a very bad left knee injury, I had to go for many scans, takes lots of pain killers and the most heartbreaking news was given, that my knee ligaments had worn and there was no support for my knee cap any longer and this is why I was getting so much pain.
I was told under doctor and hospital instructions to rest for three months, no sport no nothing, this was my worst nightmare, I felt my whole world come crashing down at the age of 15 but I did what I was told and rested. I was in the middle of doing standard grade PE and now couldn't take part in sport and was worried how this was going to affect my grade but I was reassured not to worry and rest. After three months of rest I had another scan and then began physiotherapy. I went back to playing sport but six months later and nothing was really improving. More scans and more physio. I had to then wear a knee support, which let me tell you, they aren't that comfy and make your leg very hot and itchy!!!!
Being a profesional athlete was what I had dreamed of, and had been my life since the age of 7 but by the age of 16 it was a dream I had to accept wouldn't come true. My knee wouldn't recover and the operation the hospital wished to do had too many risks for me to go through with it. The day I was told by the hospital and physiotherapist that I couldn't continue doing sports on a full time basis was probably one of the hardest days of my life to date. Not only was it the end of my dream, but to the PE teachers that put so much time and energy into my training, I felt like I had let them down big time!!
Its taken me along time to pick up some running gear again but at the end of last year I thought I should give it a bash. The first time I put on my adidas spikes (the same pair my I add) was January this year (2011) 'that' feeling is still there and I don't think it will ever go away.
I have a half marathon in September which I am very much looking forward too. It will be an amazing atmosphere and the support of the spectators at any sporting event is overwhelming. It will be ten years since I've been it this type of crowd so I'm sure it will be emotional. I haven't thought of a time I want to complete it in, I'm doing it for fun this time but more importantly to raise money for my chosen charity and give them a helping hand.
Some days I reflect back and ask myself if I should of done things differently. Alot of people told me not to train has hard as I did as my body was still developing but it was and still is my passion. I don't regret how much training I did, because it was something I was good at but my advise to anyone now is everything in moderation!! Some dreams for reasons out with your control, sometimes have to be just that...a dream.
Until next time
SC xo
I wasn't one of the 'in crowd' at school, far from it. I had my little circle of friends that i would have my lunch break with when I was in primary school who I had gone to nursery with and at the age of 5 think your going to be friends forever and ever...you soon realise this isn't always going to be the case.
I was very athletic at school. I was very much a 'tom boy' and I loved playing football the the boys and running around like a mad thing. When I got to the age of 7 I spent most of my lunch breaks doing sprint running on the playing fields and most nights after school I was allowed to stay and use the gym hall to practise my netball shooting skills. I was then noticed by the gym teacher that visited once a week and was told to stick at the running if this is what I enjoyed doing as I had a talent, and more importantly I was fast!
I became captain of the girls netball team and we went to competition after competition against other schools and for some it was a tuesday and thursday afternoon away from school but for me, it was all about the winning, and even at this age (I had only just turned 7 remember) I knew as the captain of the team it was up to me to make sure we all pulled together to win, to make all the training worth it but more importantly, to make our trainer and our parents that came to game after game proud of us. Like everything in life, we didn't win every match, we took our knock backs just like the rest of them but we won more than our fair share of tournaments.
When I got to the grand old age of 10 I was school champion for sports and won every race on sports day too (there was older kids competing against me so I was proud to win) and then I also won the following year aswell. This is when I knew I wanted to be involved in sports and had decided at the age of 10 that I was going to become an athlete in running.
I got to secondary school and was already known by the PE teachers there (it's amazing what information is passed on when leaving one school to go to another) and a lot of time and effort was put into me and my skills. I trained ALOT. Most lunch times I went up to the playing fields and did lap after lap around the running track in my trainers that let in water if it was raining. My parents weren't well off but they tried to provide as best they could for me and my older brother.
I was then asked my my PE teacher to compete in a cross country running event at a private school. I was very honoured to be given this opportunity to see how fast I really was against some pupils from other schools, I was delighted. The big day came, I was very nervous. My PE teacher came with me along with my brother and parents. I was just an ordinary kid amongst some of the most wealthy parents and their children in my region, very daunting but apart of me wanted to win this race so badly to show that someone from a working class background with not much money still has raw talent-this is when the hunger shows :)
Unfortunately I didn't win the race, but I picked up silver so out of over two hundred people, I didn't do too badly :)
My training continued and became more intense, no one put this pressure on me, no one asked me to train any harder it was all down to me. One lunch time I was up at the playing fields with my battered trainers leaking when I spotted out of the corner of my eye, my PE teacher. she was holding a box. She walked over to me and said, 'Susan, I think your going to need these' I opened the box and inside was a gleaming brand new pair of adidas running spikes. I was over the moon, my feet would be dry at long last and these were the bees knees :)
The competitions became more frequent and so did the medals. I travelled alot to different competitions, I met Jonathan Edwards-the triple jumper which was an amazing experience to meet someone as famous as he was at the height of his career.
This dream of running and being an athlete wasn't to last though, I got a very bad left knee injury, I had to go for many scans, takes lots of pain killers and the most heartbreaking news was given, that my knee ligaments had worn and there was no support for my knee cap any longer and this is why I was getting so much pain.
I was told under doctor and hospital instructions to rest for three months, no sport no nothing, this was my worst nightmare, I felt my whole world come crashing down at the age of 15 but I did what I was told and rested. I was in the middle of doing standard grade PE and now couldn't take part in sport and was worried how this was going to affect my grade but I was reassured not to worry and rest. After three months of rest I had another scan and then began physiotherapy. I went back to playing sport but six months later and nothing was really improving. More scans and more physio. I had to then wear a knee support, which let me tell you, they aren't that comfy and make your leg very hot and itchy!!!!
Being a profesional athlete was what I had dreamed of, and had been my life since the age of 7 but by the age of 16 it was a dream I had to accept wouldn't come true. My knee wouldn't recover and the operation the hospital wished to do had too many risks for me to go through with it. The day I was told by the hospital and physiotherapist that I couldn't continue doing sports on a full time basis was probably one of the hardest days of my life to date. Not only was it the end of my dream, but to the PE teachers that put so much time and energy into my training, I felt like I had let them down big time!!
Its taken me along time to pick up some running gear again but at the end of last year I thought I should give it a bash. The first time I put on my adidas spikes (the same pair my I add) was January this year (2011) 'that' feeling is still there and I don't think it will ever go away.
I have a half marathon in September which I am very much looking forward too. It will be an amazing atmosphere and the support of the spectators at any sporting event is overwhelming. It will be ten years since I've been it this type of crowd so I'm sure it will be emotional. I haven't thought of a time I want to complete it in, I'm doing it for fun this time but more importantly to raise money for my chosen charity and give them a helping hand.
Some days I reflect back and ask myself if I should of done things differently. Alot of people told me not to train has hard as I did as my body was still developing but it was and still is my passion. I don't regret how much training I did, because it was something I was good at but my advise to anyone now is everything in moderation!! Some dreams for reasons out with your control, sometimes have to be just that...a dream.
Until next time
SC xo
Thursday 21 July 2011
Follow That Dream
Your journey started at four years of age,
When you knew you wanted to be on stage,
With your sister watching Xanadu,
Wondering how to make your dreams come true.
You played a part in Mamma Mia on the west end stage,
Probably for the minimum wage,
But money doesn't matter,
When you have a job you love,
Your getting closer to the life you have been dreaming of.
Wednesday night was for Waterloo Road,
With your time here played as Cesca,
Oh how she glowed,
Time moves on but the memory of our Spanish teacher lives on.
I'm proud to be your superhero,
Your dream wasn't temporary,
It's heartwarming to know your grounded and ordinary.
Sometimes life will feel like it's in slow motion,
But next time your flying across the atlantic ocean,
And you want to check your feed on Twitter,
Just relax and enjoy the clouds,
Cause using your phone will interfere with the radio transmitter.
Until next time,
SC xo
When you knew you wanted to be on stage,
With your sister watching Xanadu,
Wondering how to make your dreams come true.
You played a part in Mamma Mia on the west end stage,
Probably for the minimum wage,
But money doesn't matter,
When you have a job you love,
Your getting closer to the life you have been dreaming of.
Wednesday night was for Waterloo Road,
With your time here played as Cesca,
Oh how she glowed,
Time moves on but the memory of our Spanish teacher lives on.
I'm proud to be your superhero,
Your dream wasn't temporary,
It's heartwarming to know your grounded and ordinary.
Sometimes life will feel like it's in slow motion,
But next time your flying across the atlantic ocean,
And you want to check your feed on Twitter,
Just relax and enjoy the clouds,
Cause using your phone will interfere with the radio transmitter.
Until next time,
SC xo
Wednesday 20 July 2011
It's A Beautiful Day
It has taken me quite some time to come up with a heading for my blog page, it has been alot harder than I first anticipated...its only choosing a name, right?!
After many ideas being typed and then deleted, the title has finally been chosen 'Black And White With A Little Shade Of Grey' I'm sure it will be apparent why I have chose my title, self explanatory really, sometimes life is black and white and decisions really are that easy to make, but other times their not...hence the grey!!
So that takes care of the heading of the blog page, what about the title for this blog I hear you ask, well let me tell you :)
I would like to think I'm not a negative person, okay we all have days that are better or worse than others because we are human after all but sometimes when it feels like the worst day in the world and nothing seems to be going right for you whether it's in school, work or a relationship, I always remember this is only going to last however long I want it to last, I have the power to turn my day around no one else can do this for me, it's me and only me that can choose my attitude or sort out the problem that is making me feel sad and turn a bad day into a beautiful day.
I'm very lucky to have the family support that I do, a small family we are but at the end of the day no matter where life takes you or what cards your dealt your loved ones will always be right there by your side to make each day beautiful.
Until next time,
SC xo
After many ideas being typed and then deleted, the title has finally been chosen 'Black And White With A Little Shade Of Grey' I'm sure it will be apparent why I have chose my title, self explanatory really, sometimes life is black and white and decisions really are that easy to make, but other times their not...hence the grey!!
So that takes care of the heading of the blog page, what about the title for this blog I hear you ask, well let me tell you :)
I would like to think I'm not a negative person, okay we all have days that are better or worse than others because we are human after all but sometimes when it feels like the worst day in the world and nothing seems to be going right for you whether it's in school, work or a relationship, I always remember this is only going to last however long I want it to last, I have the power to turn my day around no one else can do this for me, it's me and only me that can choose my attitude or sort out the problem that is making me feel sad and turn a bad day into a beautiful day.
I'm very lucky to have the family support that I do, a small family we are but at the end of the day no matter where life takes you or what cards your dealt your loved ones will always be right there by your side to make each day beautiful.
Until next time,
SC xo
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